How To Pick a Proper Coconut.

So I went to the dentist yesterday so he could check the progress and healing of my wisdom teeth surgery. I got one of those cool little syringe things to irrigate the area too. Since I'm so obsessive about keeping my teeth clean, I am very likely to overuse it, if that's possible...

The swelling has gone down considerably and it no longer hurts the rest of my teeth to bite down with any sort of pressure (a skill necessary for mastication). I can still feel a bunch of strange, sore lumps when I run my fingers along my jaw though. Anyway, I wanted to celebrate the lack of significant pain while chewing by purchasing one of my favorite (and more difficult things to eat) snacks: COCONUTS!

Coconut is a staple in paleo dieting as it offers a great supply of natural plant fats, can be ground down into flour for cheater baking and it just tastes fantastic. Sure, you can buy unsweetened coconut flakes and coconut milk at any old store, but you can't beat the primal feeling you get when you crack and process your own coconut. Heck, I feel primal just holding a coconut. I really enjoy the process of preparing food with intensive, time-consuming steps. I like to work with my hands. Maybe you'd like to give it a shot too by processing your own coconut. (I can get a coconut done in 20 minutes, so it's certainly not an all-day thing.)
The very first step you need to accomplish is to pick out a good coconut.

I've been buying coconuts long before I got into the whole paleo thing, so I have quite a bit of experience and know what to look for when picking one out. A coconut is produce just like apples, carrots and broccoli. You wouldn't just grab the first one you see right on top of the pile and throw it in your cart, would you? (I always try to grab produce from the bottom and otherwise hard-to-reach areas of the display because I think less people will have fondled them.)

If you pick out a bad coconut, you'll have a disappointing experience. You can get one that's overripe (the meat will be slimy, have a reddish tint and smell and taste soapy), moldy (you'll actually see yellowy, grey, green mold on the meat) or underripe (it won't pry well from the shell and won't taste as coconutty as you'd expect--the water tastes good though).

While there is some guesswork when it comes to picking out produce, there are some guidelines to use to keep you from picking out a real dud of a coconut. This guideline is for brown coconuts, not the young, green ones. I've never purchased those before, but I tasted one in Hawaii once and didn't really like it.

*Pick them up and shake them. You should hear the coconut water sloshing around inside. If you don't hear any sloshing, it probably has a crack in it and lost all its water in transit. You don't want that one.
*Choose one that feels heavy for its size. Even if you really want that giant one in the heap but it feels lighter or the same weight as one a little smaller than itself, go with the smaller one. They're usually sold by the each rather than by the pound so you'll get more bang for your buck anyway.
*Examine the eyes of the coconut--those three little brown spots on the end. They should be dry and smooth. If they're wet or have mold growing on them, you don't want them. You can smell the eyes too. They shouldn't smell like much of anything. If they smell soapy or earthy--like musty dirt--you might want to set that one aside.
*Examine the outside shell of the coconut; it could have small cracks in it despite having liquid inside. Try not to get ones that are wet on one side.

That is how I pick out a coconut. I can mull over the pile of coconuts for a good while before finding a perfect one or just deciding that none of them are any good. If you do pick out a bad coconut (you know--moldy), just keep your receipt and return it. No shame in a little un-shopping. I made Weston do it once. :)

Now that you have the thing, just what are you supposed to do with it?

To start, you will need to drain the coconut water from it. It is not synonymous with "coconut milk". Coconut milk is made when you pulverize the whole flesh of the coconut (minus the bark) and strain it several times. You can make curries and desserts and such with the milk or just drink it plain. 
*Poke a hole in the largest and roundest hole. It's usually the one that would be the "nose" or the "mouth" of the coconut's face, if that's what you want to call it. Also, it'll be the one that pokes out the easiest. The other two are a little harder to pierce. To poke the hole, use a sharp, small knife and twirl it around in the hole. You need to be able to poke all the way through the coconut meat inside to reach the water. Sometimes, if the meat is thicker, I will poke a straw through the hole after piercing and digging out as much meat as I can with the knife.
Now, I know it's super tempting to just suck out the coconut water with the straw, and you certainly can try, but since the coconut is airtight, you wont be getting much liquid out before you create a vacuum. You could use a really narrow straw maybe. But, a more hands-free method of draining the coconut water is to tip the coconut upside-down over a tall glass.
*Set the coconut upside-down on top of a tall glass with the eyes pointing down into the cup.You'll need to tilt the coconut slightly so that you get some airflow through the hole. You can shake the coconut into the cup a few times to get it started draining.. or restarted. The coconut water can overflow the cup if there's a lot in there, so you should keep an eye on it.
The coconut water is quite tasty, assuming you have a good coconut. If the water tastes a little bitter and soapy, you might have picked a not-so-good one. You can drink the coconut water right then and there to replenish your electrolytes. Coconut water is just as good as any sport drink for replacing those glorified salts, and it's completely natural--save it for after a workout. Or use the coconut water in curries and other recipes. I tried to use coconut water as a chai base and it wasn't exactly my best experiment. You may have better luck with it.
Now comes the fun part--breaking it open. I use the concrete patio outside our front door. Wherever you have a really hard surface that you don't mind getting a little dirty.
*Drop the coconut from about a foot high, throwing down with gentle force. Careful! The coconut could bounce up and fly anywhere---like your foot or face or priceless antique china cupboard---especially if you throw it down really hard and from really high.
*Continue dropping the coconut gently until it cracks open. Break it into 3 or 4 pieces. It'll be easier to pry the meat out of a few larger pieces that a whole bunch of little ones. If you wanted to crack the coconut in such a way that you will have a complete bowl shape for making coconut bras or something, you're going to have a much more difficult time removing the meat. In other words, it's more difficult removing large, curvy portions of the coconut meat than smaller ones. But it does look cool when it breaks that way.

You'll get something like this.

Now comes the hard part: prying the coconut meat from the shell. You do need to be really careful with this part because the shell could have sharp pieces, and you may need to apply considerable force to get the meat out. I've been cut many times.
*Use a large spoon to slide between the coconut meat and the shell. Coconut meat will have a thin, brown "bark" on the outside. This stuff is fine; you can eat it. You will want to try to get your spoon underneath the bark in order to free the meat from the shell. The bark is part of the meat, so you'll never get it out in big, nice pieces if you dig at just the white part. If you have a good coconut, the bark will pop off from the shell fairly easily. Trust me, it's not going to just fall out; you will need to show a little muscle. Luckily, the spoon acts as a wedge and a lever to help you get the coconut out. (I hope you don't mind if your spoon gets a little bent...)You can run a butter knife between the bark and the shell too to help loosen the meat.

Just like so.

*Gently rock and pry the spoon under the meat. You want to try to get the meat out in as big a piece as possible. It's much more satisfying. And easier too. If the meat breaks when you're prying it out, you'll need to try to dig underneath the bark again so you can get your spoon under it to get the rest of the meat out. You will probably need to brace the coconut against your stomach to better control it.
Fair warning: it is possible to get a coconut that just refuses to be pried from the shell. The bark will stick to the shell and you'll pull out little chunks of white. This is very frustrating. I've been there. What you'll need to do is break the coconut into smaller pieces, then take a sharp knife and cut just the white part off. It still tastes good, don't worry.
*Once you've removed the coconut meat from the shell, give it a rinse in some water to get the little fibers and bits of shell off the white. Break a little piece off and enjoy. It's filling, full of fiber and delicious! You can store the chunks of coconut in the refrigerator in a zip-lock bag for several days. They may get a little slimy after storing them for a while. You can rinse off the slime and still enjoy them if the meat hasn't turned soapy. (Trust me, you'll know what I mean by 'soapy' if you happen upon it.)

Fantastic stack of coconut meat. See the brown bark on it?

I have not used the coconut for any recipes before, nor have I dried it or flaked it or milked it. I just eat it as a quick snack. It really doesn't take much to fill you up, and it's good for you too! On another note, I purchased an organic coconut this last time to see if it made any difference. I did have to pay twice as much for it and it really tastes about the same. I noticed the meat was softer in the organic one and it pried out really easily since it had that extra flex. And it's easier on my tender teeth. Some coconuts you get, you really have to chew. This organic one is nice, but I don't know if it is worth double the cost.
Since I don't know what type of pesticides, fungicides or fertilizers necessary for coconut farms, I'm not sure if the coconuts can be affected adversely. The coconut itself is nestled inside a much larger, thick and fibrous hull that is removed before it's transported for sale in stores. Any pesticides or fungicides sprayed on the developing hull probably wouldn't have much of an effect on the coconut inside. Also, inorganic fertilizers will need to be transported through the system of an entire tree trunk before nourishing the coconut. Therefore coconut water inside may or may not be cause for concern. I'll have to do a little more research. But all-in-all you shouldn't think that organic is the end-all of produce anyway. Organic farmers use pesticides and fungicides as well--organic ones that can be and have been recalled and should still be under scrutiny.

In the mean time, I will enjoy my coconuts and will probably keep buying the regular type. Enjoy your primal coconut experience!

Here's my sweet little Baby bird enjoying some coconut too!

Paleo Fail-e-o.

 THE PALEO:


As some of you may know, I have been researching eating a more natural diet. By that I mean: more-natural-based-on-the-evolution-of-humans-diet. There are several paleo-type diets to choose from including Perfect Health Diet, The Primal Blueprint, Neanderthin, The Paleo Diet.
Each diet has its own rules to follow (mostly along the lines of "don't eat" foods) but they all uphold the same overarching ideals which are: eat natural, unprocessed, nontoxic foods to achieve the health and vitality that allowed humans to become the dominant species before the Neolithic (shall we say, "age of agriculture") era. This means you should avoid all things that weren't around before agriculture...especially grains. I call them "devil grains". There are differing ideologies, perhaps "sects", to paleo dieting where some followers will strictly avoid anything that lines up with agriculture, which means avoiding all forms of dairy. The cavemen probably wouldn't milk a mammoth, you know. Some will allow dairy, if you can enjoy dairy without getting any adverse effects.
What everyone should understand though, before they start settling into a diet, is that there is not a one-size-fits-all approach to dieting. What works best is to incorporate little snippets from all the paleo-type diets to reach the best balance for yourself.
I like to follow the Primal Blueprint (a good starting place) mixed with The Perfect Health Diet (which allows dairy and nontoxic starches like potatoes and rice).
I would recommend a Paleolithic-type diet to anyone. You feel great when you eat it! And you can use it to lose weight (yes, despite all the pure fat you eat).

The Faileo:

After the above brief introduction, I want to get to the real reason behind this post. I got my wisdom teeth out last Thursday. All four of them. My face is still puffy and my teeth are still sore today. Needless to say, I'm having a hard time chewing.
When I was sitting in the chair before they put me under they told me to get myself an ice cream when I'm done and not to go eat a big old steak or anything. Now, to someone who tries to eat paleo, this is kind of heartbreaking to hear. Oh well. I supposed I could take a little break from paleo while my mouth healed.
On a side note: I have never been "put under" before but found the experience rather pleasant. I don't remember much after I came out of it, but I did manage to draw a more or less anatomically-correct diagram of a wisdom tooth in the "memo" section of check I wrote them. 
After my teeth were out and I was awarded a nice ice cream cone from my dad, my well-meaning mom took the opportunity to baby me and take care of her poor, puffy, drooling Kadie. On came the carb-fest. I enjoyed mashed potates, applesauce, tiny Hagen daz ice cream cups, more mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese for several days. Granted, I love being doted on (thanks, mommy, it was lovely) but I pretty much ate nothing but carbs the entire time. Here's a warning: if you're eating a low-carb to moderately low-carb diet, then all of a sudden start eating nothing but carbs, expect a little slingshot effect in your weight. I gained about 4 pounds since Thursday. :p

Today, I'm going to try to reset my system. Then I'll try to eat paleo again. Since I don't think I'll find anyone who'll chew my food for me (or the stomach to actually partake in the offering), I'll need to find other ways of getting in my delicious animal proteins without swallowing too much whole. *ouch* After eating a piece of roast beef, goat style, with only my front teeth the other day, I realized I will have to try to make it a little easier on myself. And Steak Shakes really don't sound too appealing. Maybe I'll plan a nice melt-in-your mouth pot roast, or a bone broth soup.

For now, though, I'm doing a nice ketogenic fast to reset my system. Intermittent fasting is an important part of paleo dieting as the human body evolved through periods of plenty and periods of famine. The body is designed to work well on this system. Also the ketogens produced from fasting are very nutritious for your brain. Their smaller molecule passes through the membranes of your brain more easily than glucose which is part of the reason ketogenic diets are so therapeutic and recommended for brain-related diseases like epilepsy, Alzheimer's, etc.
Another good reason for ketogenic fasting is that it retrains your body to use fat as fuel rather than glucose (read:carbs). When the body burns fat as its fuel source, expect to have a lean, fit body devoid of excess fat.

The Perfect Health Diet offers a good system for ketogenic dieting:

*Eat lots of fat throughout the day, but no other macronutirent (protein, carbs).
*Enjoy vegetables (not the starchy kind) to curb hunger. According to Perfect Health Diet, vegetables are considered a fat because the fiber from vegetables is broken down in your gut into fatty acids. Vegetables don't offer much else when it comes to the other macronutrients (Perfect Health Diet is wonderful when it comes to explaining the science of why this diet is ideal. Expect to read about chemical reactions, molecular break-downs and evolutionary, comparative studies)
*Enjoy butter, heavy cream, and most of all, coconut oil.
*You can have coffee or tea with cream stirred in

So, what I plan on doing for my ketogenic fasting day is to make a creamy broccoli soup to eat when I get hungry. I haven't looked up a recipe but will probably just mix my ingredients to taste and puree the whole thing.
I'll probably just steam some broccoli to soften it up (and improve flavor) stir in a couple tablespoons of coconut oil, butter and cream, and add some pepper and other seasonings. Then heat it over the stove. Easy peasy and safe for my sore teeth.

I'll post some of the squishy things I'll make for later this week too.  I'm getting back on the band wagon!